I've written four complete chapters of my new story -- I wrote one of those yesterday and will probably finish the fifth one sometime today. I'm elated. It's been awhile since the voices spoke to me. I've blamed it on a lot of things -- stress, burnout, writer's block, expectations -- and, of all things, antidepressants.
For whatever reason, when I'm on a higher dose of antidepressants, my creativity goes out the window -- and, after researching a little, I've found that this isn't all that unusual but, like many medication side effects, it greatly depends on the person. It's a vicious cycle because I need the meds to keep me from really going over the edge and, yet, I need to write, for sanity's sake. So, which one gets sacrificed? Well, I'm going for the best of both worlds -- lowering my dosage and seeing if that will let those two worlds collide peacefully.
The funny thing is that I'm still on the higher dose right now but the voices have broken through, chipping away at the wall between us. I have a sneaking suspicion that my decision to lower the dose somehow gave them permission to speak. I know I'm probably sounding completely off my rocker about now but ask anybody who writes (whether published or not) and they'll probably tell you something similar.
Yesterday I was telling a real person (with the same name as one of my characters) about the other one who isn't real (but who can speak). I told her that the characters name themselves and she repeated that back to me -- only with a question mark at the end. I guess I should watch what I say. But, she then told me that the name had come from her grandmother -- and, guess what, that's where my character got it, too.
Anyway, I'm writing and that's what's important. I have a very small "fan base" even without being published -- I don't do it for praise -- and not for money -- I just do it because I love it and if people want to read it, that's just icing on the cake. Writing centers me. It's a part of me. And it's totally normal, for me, to have these stories floating around in my head, just waiting for one of them to proclaim, "it's my turn". I've got stories that have been in there for years, still waiting. Why the upstarts get a chance first, I just don't know.
This week has been an unusual week. The unexpected death in the family -- because I can't think of it in any other way, though those ties are somewhat broken -- has been more difficult than I would have thought. It's a weird situation because I feel the loss but I can't really find the words to express how it has affected me -- so I've just sort of curled up inside myself. Sometimes, sadly, it takes someone's death to make you realize, too late, that you've missed them. But, I think all of these emotions may have somehow meshed in my brain and maybe that has given the necessary boost to this new story. Ah, well, whatever...the neurons are firing and that's enough for me.
It's not only a small world but a strange one.
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As an aspiring writer, I blog about whatever happens to move me at the moment -- though some posts contain serious content, my big-picture goal is to bring a little humor into an often humorless world! Welcome, y'all, and make yourself at home! Please make sure you update your bookmarks!
When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger...Epictetus