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As an aspiring writer, I blog about whatever happens to move me at the moment -- though some posts contain serious content, my big-picture goal is to bring a little humor into an often humorless world! Welcome, y'all, and make yourself at home! Please make sure you update your bookmarks!

When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger...Epictetus

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The ending is always the beginning...

I've still been ignoring this blog shamefully -- not that there are legions out there reading it but I like to write here because it forces me to create something other than fiction -- but, when I'm deep into writing a fictional story, everything else suffers and that has included this blog. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel -- though reaching that light is equal parts ecstasy and agony. It's always that way when I let go of characters -- and their story -- which have consumed me for months. Like children leaving the nest, I want to push them out and I want to reel them back in.

But there has to be an end to one story so that a new one can begin. I have the main female character's name for the next piece already -- it was whispered to me -- but without any other instructions -- so I don't know who, what, when or where. But, eventually, the characters will start speaking loudly and I'll be compelled to write down what they say. And the insanity will begin again.

So, as I wind down the editing of this last creation, I'm envisioning some weeks of peace and quiet. At least inside my head. Outside my head, there is a new ending and a new beginning on its way. My eldest is in the last weeks (days?!) of her pregnancy (the ending) and soon, the baby (the beginning) will arrive, just in time for Christmas.

My intention, when I first found out that I was going to become a grandmother at such a young age (cough) was to keep a record of it, on this blog, but, unfortunately, these past months coincided with writing a novel so...I failed....but don't think it's not something that I haven't thought about every single day. This has all dovetailed perfectly actually -- not only with the story itself but with the finishing of it. And, soon, I'll be letting one love go to embrace another greater love.

I'm still worried. I'm still not a "baby person". I still don't get all squishy every time I see one. I'm still heading toward this new phase on a wing and a prayer. And, truthfully, I'm selfish about having my writing time interrupted or having to put my wants and needs on the back-burner. When you are a mother and have raised three children and they've all flown, you think, ah, now, it's my time. But, so far, it hasn't worked out that way. But that's okay, as C-3PO said, "I was made to suffer..."

Okay, I'm kidding. I'm not really suffering. But I do have to work really hard to stay upbeat. That old depression-monster is always out to get me, though I fight it tooth and nail. And, when I'm not writing, that's when it tries the hardest to invade -- and is more likely to be successful. If too much time goes by between the end of one story and the beginning of another, it is a cause for alarm. I will only take the smallest dose of antidepressant that I can so that the voices aren't silenced completely because, if they go, I spiral downward with them. If you think hearing voices is crazy, ask my ever-patient husband and he will tell you that not hearing them, for me, is much, much worse.

But, as I near the end of this particular writing and editing frenzy, I will have something other than more writing to look forward to...

So, come on out and play, baby Jackson...

I may not be ready...but I'm willing...


  1. you will do great,,,there will be stories,, i cant wait,,, hey, that was almost a poem.. lol