Welcome to LIS!!

summer photo summer3_zpss1lsq81m.gif
As an aspiring writer, I blog about whatever happens to move me at the moment -- though some posts contain serious content, my big-picture goal is to bring a little humor into an often humorless world! Welcome, y'all, and make yourself at home! Please make sure you update your bookmarks!

When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger...Epictetus

Saturday, April 25, 2009

This kind of stuff just makes me laugh out loud...

These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service:

  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
  • Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
  • Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
  • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
  • The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
  • Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
  • The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sabbath.
  • The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
  • A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
  • Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
  • Evening Massage - 6 p.m.
  • Ushers will eat latecomers.
  • The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which, as usual, fell upon her.
  • On a church bulletin during the pastor's illness: GOD IS GOOD. Pastor Hargreaves is better.
  • Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts...
  • Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.
  • Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time.
  • This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship.
  • We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning duringthe worship service. Now let's sing "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow."
  • The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved... the final secretary gave a grief report.
  • Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

No comments:

Post a Comment