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As an aspiring writer, I blog about whatever happens to move me at the moment -- though some posts contain serious content, my big-picture goal is to bring a little humor into an often humorless world! Welcome, y'all, and make yourself at home! Please make sure you update your bookmarks!

When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger...Epictetus

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Not the day I had planned

When Butler died last December, I was devastated -- but, even though the time was short between his cancer diagnosis and his death, there was, at least, a window of time to prepare ourselves for the inevitable.

Today, there was no time at all.

Darcy, our lovable black pug, is dead.

He was basically mauled by a chihuahua-mix -- she'd been after him before -- it was like the school bully going after the weakest student -- but never like this. In the space of me being out of the house for no more than 15 minutes, he was attacked (most likely by Reese and the Boston/Pug mix, Liesl -- who tended to follow Reese blindly -- a perfect example of mob mentality -- so we'll have to watch her for continued bad behavior) and never recovered. My youngest daughter and I raced him to the vet, both of us covered in blood, but, though they tried -- and, in fact, thought he was doing better -- we lost him. He did not die of his injuries but of shock and respiratory arrest. I have absolutely no idea why this happened today -- or why it happened at all. I've left them hundreds of times. Hundreds.

It was not the kind of day I expected -- but who would? It just shows us how we never know what our day will hold.

Last Saturday, we brought home a new dog. We knew we were crazy but we were thinking about losing Spencer and thought bringing a young Boston into the house would help ease that transition, whenever it comes. I never thought it would be to help us with the loss of Darcy.

Darcy was a "dog of divorce" -- we took him in after Mark's brother needed help with his animals, after his wife walked out. We only had him for two years but it seems like much longer. I feel like I let him down -- so I'll have to work on the guilt as well as the grief.

The irony is that Reese is my eldest daughter's dog -- we've had her for over a year and, probably next week, she was going to finally get to go to her "real" home.

One more week and this wouldn't have happened. But I can't hate her. I just can't. She's gone now -- Shannon came and got her today. So, for all practical purposes, I've lost two dogs today, not just one. I knew Reese would leave me eventually but I didn't expect it to be under these circumstances.

But I can't live in what ifs.

I just have to go with what is.

But, right now, what is sucks.


  1. You must know that my heart is breaking along with yours. Sudden death is so hard to understand and accept.

    I don't know what words to say other than I'm so sorry, so very sorry.

  2. Thank you, Lynne -- I know that you are still hurting yourself. I've been through a lot of dog deaths in my lifetime -- but none like this. It will take some time but it will get better.