What's in a name?

From The One-Minute Writer:

You've decided you want a new name--one that will reflect who you are. What is your new name?

There was a time when I probably would have changed my name in a heartbeat. I was named after an aunt -- Margaret, then given the middle name of Lynn -- which at that time was a popular thing to do (along with the name, Ann). Growing up, almost all my relatives -- except for the immediate family -- called me by both names, a very southern thing to do. I hated it back then. Hated it! Nowadays, if someone ever calls me that -- and some of my relatives still do -- I don't even grimace -- but I prefer being just "Lynn". No E. Two N's. That's who I am and I don't think any other name would fit me.

Of course, there are other names I love -- Shannon and Carrie being my favorites (along with Wesley but we're really talking girl names right now). If I'd ever had another girl, she probably would have been Rachel, maybe Laura. I chose my children's names early on -- was not one of those who had to see the child before naming. To me, they all fit their names perfectly. But, then again, I'm their mother and I chose them (with a little help from their dad).

I've never been one for nicknames, either. I gave my kids the names I wanted them to be called. I think some people call my son "Wes" but he'll always be Wesley to me. The only nicknames I actually would have used would have been "Meg" or "Maggie" or "Meggie" -- if I'd named one of the girls Margaret. Strangely enough, the name "Gretchen" comes from the name Margaret and I like that one a lot, too -- and you sure don't hear that one very often -- at least not in these parts.

I knew when it came to names I didn't want to give my kids any "out there" names but I didn't want them to have a name in the "top ten" either. I'm pretty satisfied that none of them have really easy-to-find-on-keychains names. I hope when they start naming kids (which I'm going to try like the devil to stay out of) that they'll choose names which the kids won't meet coming and coming.

By the way, I did have a problem giving up my maiden name for my married name -- I got over it as the years went by but I have reclaimed it as my "author" name.

So, I guess I'll keep my name but how about my "porn star" name -- for fun, take the name of the street you grew up on and an early pet's name:

Hello, I'm Dolly Toole.

Now, if that doesn't conjure up some images, I don't know what will...

Dream a little dream...

From Imagination Prompt:

Do you have reoccurring dreams? What are they about?


I have two -- one still happens, the other has pretty much stopped -- because, I believe I figured out what it meant.

The first recurring dream is what I call my "stress" dream. It's always about water. Lots and lots of water. Sometimes I'm on a boat, in a storm. Sometimes I'm on the shore but the waves are huge and crashing down over me. Sometimes I'm trying to drive a car through a flooded area. Sometimes I'm in the water but a long way from shore. If I'm really stressed out there's usually something in the water with me. Not very nice things. With teeth.

Why water equates with stress, I don't know. I'm not afraid of water. I can swim. But there it is -- maybe it's just my brain's way of letting all the stresses out. So, why couldn't I have dreams about a peaceful, flowing river instead?

I dunno -- maybe it keeps me from beating the living daylights out of someone.

The other dream -- which I haven't had in a long time -- is about restrooms.

In the dream, I'm somewhere unfamiliar -- it could be campus, a large building, a shopping center or even a whole city. And the problem is there is only one restroom -- and wherever I happen to be is a long way from it. I have to get directions, then overcome all sorts of obstacles to get there (locked doors, fences which I have to climb, walking uphill all the way).

Did I mention I really have to go?

So, I finally get there but...the place is absolutely filthy. I mean so filthy you wouldn't let your dog go in (well, not my dogs!) So, filthy, you wouldn't dare lettuce turnip and pea.

And, remember, this the only restroom. For miles and miles.

Fortunately, about this time, I always wake up.

So, what does this mean? Well, I figured out that I tend to have high expectations but the reality usually doesn't end up being nearly as good as the fantasy. It's a rush to get there, only to find that there isn't all it's cracked up to be.

If I had a good crack joke, I'd insert it here.

Maybe it's because I'm always spinning stories in my head and I tend to create scenarios which never happen -- and I end up with a reality which leaves me slightly disappointed because I was hoping for more -- and also leaves me with that bothersome question -- is that all there is?

I'm getting stressed out now.

I think I need some water.

Ouch

From Imagination Prompt:

Describe the most serious illness or accident that you have had.

I've had a few unpleasant illnesses/accidents in my life.

I was hit by a car when I was seven -- the driver turned a corner too fast but, fortunately, it still wasn't that fast and I was okay, though I still carry a couple of scars on my knees. The woman who hit me would come by often and bring me presents -- her guilt over it went on for much longer than any concern I had.

I had a retropharyngeal abscess once. Don't know, to this day, why or how I got it. I had to have surgery and then I was okay -- and it's not been anything which has reoccurred.

I had a CT scan (for asthma problems) which showed a mass (right above my breastbone) but when they opened me up, it was not there. Artifact (something which shows up on a scan which isn't actually there) or divine intervention? I'll take either one.

All of those were fairly frightening but probably the worst was what happened when my second child was born. I'd been having peculiar contraction-like pains but my doctor seemed to think it was Braxton-Hicks. Long story short, I had a regular appointment on the morning of July 6 (the baby was due July 14) and when the nurse took my blood pressure, I literally saw her jump out of her skin (okay, not literally but close enough). I was put in the hospital immediately where my water was broken -- it was full of blood -- and I was having an emergency c-section within minutes. I had to have more surgery because, in the rushed effort to get the baby out, a suture had gone around one ureter -- so that had to be fixed.

Anyway, this was a placental abruption. I had to have a blood transfusion because I'd lost so much of my own and I don't remember much about that day -- or the days afterward -- I do remember asking Mark if I was going to die -- and, quite frankly, I was so sick, I didn't care if I did. Fortunately, baby Wesley was fine -- but I had to stay in the hospital for nine days. Wesley will be 22 in July and, while there are a lot of things I can't remember, the overall experience still lingers somewhere in the recesses of my mind. Even so, I made the decision to have another baby, knowing another abruption was a real concern. As well it should have been -- but that's another story for another day.

Anyway, this was one of those things which, only fifty years ago -- maybe fewer -- would have probably taken me (and the baby) out of this world. It just shows why so many women -- and babies -- died over the course of history. The abscess would have probably done me in as well, had I not been living in the modern era.

So, yeah, this is why when I say I would love to time travel, I would want the ability to get back to this time period pronto. Because sometimes you haven't got a moment to lose.

Choosing Wisely

From CanTeach:

What would happen if there were no television? Why would this be good? bad?


Bad, very bad. I mean, if there was no TV, how would I get my Adam Lambert fix?!! How would I have even known about my Lamchop?

Seriously -- though I'm not in the mood to be serious -- I often hear folks bemoaning TV (or the Internet or modern music...). The thing is, like a lot of things, it all depends on what you use it for -- if it's for illegal or immoral purposes, then it's bad but what if you're watching TV for educational purposes -- or for entertainment? I've watched a lot of excellent shows on the History channel or PBS. I love my CSIs (I'm on pins and needles right now, waiting for the return of the dastardly but, oh, so lovely Rick Stetler -- David Lee Smith -- on Miami). I love Ghosthunters -- not sure what I'm learning there, other than Tango is hilarious when he goes Jersey on a ghostie. And I'm a news junkie from way back.

Yeah, there's something to be said for the "old ways" -- back when a person had to make their own entertainment. Ol' Henry VIII did that and look what happened but, seriously (I'm trying!) times change and we either change with them or we stagnate. I can't imagine life these days without the internet -- or without TV. Or a microwave or a dishwasher, for that matter. The thing is we live in the world that is, not the one that was. That doesn't mean old-fashioned values don't have a place -- it just means that they can live side by side with the new-fangled stuff.

If you gave me the choice between spending the day, out on the lake, fishing -- or a day surfing the net or watching TV, well, Red Lobster is about as close as I'm going to get to reeling in my own dinner.

What can I say? I love technology. And I'll take it good, bad or ugly. I just pray for the ability to choose wisely.

Aw, nuts!

From Imagination Prompt

Are you ready to change that one thing about yourself that drives you nuts? How?

One thing?! Seriously?!

I actually have worked on changing some things about myself that I don't like, namely my ability to get overwrought about things which really don't matter. Not that I don't still do it on occasion but I've really begun (finally) to learn what's worth it and what isn't. Most things will work themselves out, one way or the other. You do your best, then you have to step back and let it run its course. There's nothing like planning a wedding, which we did last year, to teach you not to sweat the small stuff.

I've definitely learned to not be a people-pleaser, so that's been a good change, though I'm not so sure I've ever really been one. I really don't care what someone else thinks about me. However, this is not a free pass to say whatever pops into my head, do absolutely anything I have a mind to do or to be rude and unsympathetic (the only thing that I'm totally unsympathetic about is people who smoke, then complain about respiratory illnesses or who have no money to burn except, somehow, on cigs). Other than behaving in a decent and courteous manner, I'm not looking to please anyone.

I have a tendency to be judgmental. I'm much, much better about this though I think it's one of the hardest habits to break. We tend to judge other people on what they wear, how they rear their children, their opinions (political or otherwise), their religion (a big one), etc. -- we think we know better than they do, that we have all the answers -- and we may have answers -- but only for ourselves. Before any of us take someone to task, we'd better take a long, hard look in the mirror. It's human nature to be judgmental so I know I'm not alone in this -- though "everyone else is doing it" is never a good excuse (just ask any parent!).

But my number one nut-producing activity is how I deal with a certain person in my life. I tend to grit my teeth and internalize -- and then feel guilty about it. More than anything, I wish I could just let this kind of thing roll off my back but, as of yet, I haven't found the off switch. Because of this, I think I actually get physically ill -- not to be mention very tired, emotionally and mentally. I would change this in a heartbeat if I could. I know it's my attitude which has to change because the other person's attitude certainly isn't going to any time soon.

Anyway, I suppose, if you ask my husband what, about me, drives him nuts, he could probably come up with a list a mile long. And, really, he's the one who has to live with me. I'm just on the inside, looking out.

Greenery

From The One-Minute Writer:

What makes you green with envy?

Honestly, nothing. Sure, I see something someone else has and I might want it -- but I never think of it in terms of "I wish I had that and she didn't". To me, that's what real envy is -- and I don't think it's a very healthy emotion. I could never imagine wishing someone didn't have something so that I could. My mind just doesn't work that way. If someone has something -- by sheer luck or by working hard for it -- more power to them. Why should I be jealous of someone else's good fortune?

In other news. Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm wearing a green sweater and...well, that's about it but Erin Go Bragh anyway.

Dear Me

From Sunday Scribblings:

Dear Past Me, Dear Future Me...


Dear Past me:

It's in the past. Forgive and forget. Learn from your mistakes. And from your triumphs.

Dear Future me:

Pretty much the same thing. The future will eventually be the past.

With love,

Me

In the next year...

From Imagination Prompt:

I'm going to...

I wish I could come up with something fabulous and exciting but the one thing that looms over me this year is my next birthday. In August, I will turn 50. Age is just a number but, honestly, that's a pretty damn big number. The half century mark. How did I reach this point?!

Well, I've just about decided that anybody who does reach 50 is probably pretty fortunate. No, it's not like the olden days when reaching even 25 was a milestone but when you think about all the things which can take us out of this world, reaching 50 is actually an accomplishment. And, anyway, what choice do I have? Grow old or die young. I'll take the growing old as long as my body is working and my brain is still functioning -- but we don't really get a choice in that either, do we?

I don't feel 50. I don't think I look 50 (but I'm probably not the one to judge). I find myself speculating about somebody else's age and thinking, "he must be at least 50" and then have to remind myself that so am I. I guess 50 sits differently on everyone.

In my head, I still feel about 25 -- I'm still a rock and roll girl though the volume's been turned down a bit. I've lived long enough to know when it's necessary to be serious and when it's absolutely imperative to be silly. And that sometimes both are needed during the same situation. I don't know everything but I know a lot more than I did at 25. So, maybe in another 25 years, I'll really have some wisdom to impart.

But don't count on it. I'll probably be even sillier by then.

Excuse me, which way to the loo?

Imagination Prompt:

If you could choose a different time period to live in, when would it be?

Medieval times, hands down -- specifically the 1400s and England. I love that era -- love the intrigue, the Wars of the Roses, Edward IV and the Woodvilles, Richard III -- his short reign and battlefield death. I have to actually make myself read books set during other eras. After the medieval era, my favorites are the American Colonial/Revolution era, followed by the French Revolution. In all honestly, after the early 1800s, I'm not as enthralled with history -- the American Civil War through more modern times just don't keep me as interested. And I seldom read novels with contemporary settings unless time-travel -- or, sometimes, the paranormal -- is somehow involved.

Of course, I'm talking reading here -- which isn't really the question. There's a big difference between reading about something and living it. Medieval living was, at best, difficult; at worst, horrifying. I think the only way I'd actually go back there (that is, if time-travel were real -- I'm not that crazy -- yet) would be if I had a magical talisman which would transport me back to the present very quickly. As in immediately. But what an opportunity to see how things really were!

If you ever watched the movie TIMELINE (there's a book, too -- by Michael Crichton -- which I did read but I'm really pinpointing the film here), a group of folks were sent back to medieval France to find someone who was "lost" there. It was not a great movie but one of the lines I always remember was one of the sent-back people remarking on all the vibrant colors -- because, I think, we often tend to think of history in shades of black and white -- not as a living, breathing world, with people and colors and smells (ew!) and sorrow and laughter -- and all of those things we have in our own century.

The idea of being able to see a different era firsthand is absolutely thrilling -- however, I must admit the bathroom facilities and the plague do give me pause...

Food for thought

Imagination Prompt:

You have to bring some food to a party. What's it going to be?

I remember someone asking me, years ago, what my family ate since I didn't cook. Well, there's a big difference between not cooking and not liking to cook. Nobody starved, I can tell you that -- they may have had more chicken fingers and french fries than my more kitchen-friendly acquaintances but they had plenty to eat -- and I dare any of them to say they didn't!!

So, then, what do I do if I need to take something to a party? Well, first of all, I'm probably groaning about having to go to a party. But, once I've reconciled to going, I might just stop by the grocery store on the way, hoping something delicious is waiting for me in the deli/bakery but, if I were to actually make something, it would probably be either "Dirty Rice" (made with French Onion soup and Consomme) or a corn casserole -- or a casserole involving potatoes. Lots of potatoes (when I die, plant me in a field of potatoes. No, wait, I want to be cremated -- so roast me with them instead). If it were more of a finger food type party, then I probably would buy something -- like those little quiche-thingees or sausage something-or-others.

Jeez, I don't even know the names of food. But, hey, where would the cooks of the world be without people who appreciate eating?

Imagination Prompt

A lot blogs have "writing prompts" - these prompts are generated daily (in most cases) and they give bloggers a phrase or idea to expand upon -- basically a mini writing challenge -- a way for writers -- or anybody -- to get the creative juices flowing. Some of the blogs use the same generator so I thought I'd look for something a bit different and I found Imagination Prompt. I won't be doing this everyday -- especially if none of the prompts really inspire me but, if they do -- and I have nothing else to write about -- I'll give them a shot. Of course, the whole idea is to write whether you are inspired or not but I like to be difficult. So, I'll do them when I feel like it.

I'll start with this one:

If the phone rang right now, who would you want it to be?

That's easy. My eldest daughter, Shannon. Since she no longer lives at home (college, now married) I don't get to see her or talk to her every day so it's always good to hear her voice. She always says, "hi, mom" and then launches into whatever she wants to tell me. I'm not a chatter by nature -- I seldom call people just to shoot the breeze so, sometimes, when the phone rings and I'm not in the mood, I really don't want to answer the phone (and, sometimes, I don't) but if the caller ID says it's Shannon, I pick up -- even if I'm in the middle of exercising and panting heavily. We've crossed that line where I'm still her mother but we are also equals. And I like it. I could also say my son, Wesley. But, when he calls, I always have a momentary knot in my belly as to what he'll have to say. I don't know if it's because he's in Atlanta and the big city still worries me -- or if it's a normal reaction with sons more so than daughters -- I imagine it depends on the son or daughter. My youngest is still at home so our phone conversations are usually brief (come pick me up or I'm staying after school for a study session). Maybe one day, when she's moved away, I'll be glad to hear her voice as well -- though, like me, she'd not much into small talk. So our conversations may still be "come pick me up". Especially is she doesn't get her driver's license soon. But that's another topic, for another day.